Evening Personalities Target Trump's New 'Gold Card' Residency Plan

Television's prominent comedians spent the evening ridiculing President Donald Trump's recently announced visa initiative, labeled the "Trump card," characterizing it as a clear pay-for-access scheme for the rich.

The Late Show's Witty Analysis

Starting his show, Stephen Colbert presented a mock Christmas jingle targeting the president. "He is making a list, checking it twice, before giving that list to the agents at ICE," he intoned. "The President ... destroys each thing he touches."

Colbert's target was the controversial initiative that enables international citizens to acquire U.S. residency for the price of $1 million dollars, or "platinum" tier for five million. An official website pledges processing "in record time."

"One thought for you to affluent immigrants: prior to you fork over the cash, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He noted that the scheme is also intended to "get cash" from firms looking to hire skilled workers, with significant fees. "That's a lot of fees, however if you sign up, you also get two free nights at a property of your choosing – if it's the a specific Marriott," he said.

"The best screening the government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these people truly are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert responded. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Critique

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."

"Here's a card that will let rich international individuals to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get legal visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your choosing."

"Maybe it's time to change that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your poor masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel mocked the brevity of the application, saying it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Indeed, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "That's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Economic Struggles

On another network, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's plunging approval ratings amid economic concerns. "The public gave Donald Trump a another term since they were mad about the economy," he said.

This week, in a attempt to address cost of living, Trump held a briefing in front of a selection of grocery items, and behaved strangely to some cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."

"He is so extremely weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by criticizing right-leaning news defenses of Trump's financial performance. "Maybe instead of complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like what FIFA did," he laughed.